Top 5 Lessons I learned in 2014

Hope the New Year Brings you tremendous blessings.  As the hour approached to midnight, I started thinking about all the lessons I had learned this year and this is what I came up with.  Make this year an amazing one!

Top 5 Lessons I learned in 2014

1) I'd rather stay myself and lose everyone then become someone else to please everyone. Be careful who you back because often they'll turn theirs and even if you had their best intentions at heart, they will become a direct reflection of your integrity. Set boundaries, rise above the noise and choose carefully.

2) You'll stand up for people, you'll back them, heck you might even pour your whole heart into someone and they may just walk away like nothing ever happened. That's ok though because if it offends you, it was always about you in the first place. Let them go. Wish them well in your heart. You did what you could while you had the chance. You learned a lesson and you just may have changed and inspired a life forever.

3) You'll stand alone often if you stand for something. And you will be tested. No doubt about that. It will sometimes feel like the world is crashing down on you. Really your strength is being tested and your character is developing for a greater mission you don't understand in the present, but you will in the future. You'll be slandered against, criticized, but in the end the only question that matters is: At the end of the day and when you wake up, Are you happy with the person staring back at you in the mirror?

4) Faith is just about the most important thing we have. It guides us forwards and it's often the only thing that understands us. It's the light when all that surrounds us is darkness. It's what carry's you forwards when circumstances are tough. Lean not on your own understanding. Trust in something greater than you.

5) We are not in control of everything. We never were. We are only in control of ourselves, of our own choices and our own actions. If you aren't happy, change. You have the opportunity every single day. You don't always have to explain yourself, but it's always important to be yourself. Let faith win that battle and let fear take the back seat.

Quote to take you into 2015

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. It somehow already knows what you want to become." -Steve Jobs

Cheers to 2015! Make it the best damn year ever.

Semper Fi. Stay True.

- Jeff

My brief testimony

It was the fall of 2002 and I had just graduated high school and began my first semester of college at Erie Community College.  I was debating on joining the military still and I had no desire whatsoever to be in college.  I remember I used to walk into class for attendance and then go home to play Madden for PlayStation 2 everyday.

Well needless to say my GPA was like a 1.10 and I joined the Marine Corps barley a month into school.  I had sort of reached this point in my life where I was devastated with the break up of my high school sweetheart and I was tired of washing dishes for $5.50 an hour.  I knew at that moment that if I stayed in Buffalo as I was, I would never amount to much more than an average Joe.

I had no discipline, I was weak and I had no desire to stay washing dishes or working in a restaurant the rest of my life.  Not that there is anything wrong with people that do that.  It just wasn't for me.

Though something amazing transpired and transformed my life forever in that failure of a semester in college.  I was in this math course and I saw this pretty cute girl everyday so I sat near her and we started to slowly chat.  I had noticed that she was bringing a book to class that wasn't like a math book.

So I asked her, What is that book you bring to class?  She opened it up and it was daily bible verses and I thought wow this girls cute and she loves church?  Who loves church at 18 years old? Haha..  I was so confused, but we spent a great deal of time one day on the subject of God and I was telling her my background and turns out she invites me on a Tuesday night to the youth group at her church.

So I'm thinking ok I'm devastated right now.  I need a little God in my life and it wouldn't hurt to hang out with a cute girl that's connected to God.  Well I sat outside of that church for like 30 minutes and I even think I went in late.  I was hesitating to go in because I couldn't understand who goes to church on a Tuesday night.  Definitely not me!

When I walked in finally.  I told the people it was my first time and my friend invited me and they all knew who she was and my God they were some of the nicest people in the world.  I was like what the heck is going on. Why are people my age so nice and again why are they at church on a Tuesday?

The Youth Pastor that night and the band would deliver an amazing message and by the end I was raising my hand to accept Christ into my life.  I had no clue what I was doing, yet I felt so alive.

I would spend the next few months before leaving to bootcamp at this group every Tuesday and church on Sundays and honestly she saved my life and there was no way I could've went through four years in the Marine Corps.. Iraq and Afghanistan without Jesus.

So many times I found myself talking to Jesus when I was absolutely scared to death.  My faith always told me, that it was all in his hands.  Psalm 23- Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me.

My faith was what got me through the dark days and also led me to do some amazing things.  I did though spend a great deal of time running from God. I got into heavy drinking, blaming the world, mixed up with some wrong crowds etc... but long story short I'm not perfect and God was still there the whole entire time.

Currently I have returned back to the start.  It's so amazing to me that no matter how far I run, how much I hide, how badly I screw up.  God is still there.  And he makes all things new.  It's my hope for you that no matter where this message finds you today, that you find your way home or back home.

God has plans for you. Plans to restore you. Plans to give you hope and a great future. Jeremiah 29:11

What a journey. Lead on great leader.  Thank you Jesus.

Conformity. A True Disease

 

Conformity. I believe it's a disease of the weak minded.  Most people may never go on to discover their greatest gifts only to fulfill the desire to fit in, in every crowd they ever encounter.  

I got to reading this today and I had some real thoughts as I read this, as I believe it's the number one cause of many of life's difficulties and it will often lead to an unfulfilled very empty heart...

So first...

What is conformity?
 
Conformity is a type of social influence involving a change in belief or behavior in order to fit in with a group.

This change is in response to real (involving the physical presence of others) or imagined (involving the pressure of social norms / expectations) group pressure.
 
Conformity can also be simply defined as “yielding to group pressures”

Group pressure may take different forms, for example bullying, persuasion, teasing, criticism etc. Conformity is also known as majority influence (or group pressure).
 

The term conformity is often used to indicate an agreement to the majority position, brought about either by a desire to ‘fit in’ or be liked (normative) or because of a desire to be correct (informational), or simply to conform to a social role (identification).

 

This is the very reason I find it hard to stay in most groups for extended periods of time.  As soon as they learn who you are and that you think different, the group usually tries to force you into conformity, often times labeling you with stupid nicknames, treating you like crap, pressuring you to act a certain way, cracking jokes about you, and externally lashing out at you just cause you won't conform to the ways of the crowd.

For one second just look at all the great entrepreneurs and leaders throughout history (Steve Jobs, Ghandi, Dr. King) they all share something unique. They stayed true to them-self throughout the whole process, refusing to conform to anything outside of their heart, their vision, and often times what was right for the greater good of society. That's why in 2014 we still bring them up long after they've departed the earth.

Isn't it funny how usually we name the same people over and over who have made a significant impact on the world? That in itself will show you how popular it is to conform. 

One of my favorite quotes is about our deepest fear as humans.  In that quote it says.. "Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so other people won't feel insecure around you." This quote I believe speaks volumes.  How often do we yield to pressure just to be accepted?

In conformity, people lose track of the most important thing and that is their-self. All of their individual creativity, their thoughts get thrown out the window.  They become just like the group in order to feel comfortable, to fit in, which in response your telling your own heart no.  

What I find funny is the conformist spends so much time on external conditions, everything outside of them-self... world affairs, what he said, she said, the economy.. etc. because I believe it's an amazing escape and avoidant behavior to discovering your true identity.

Just too darn afraid of their own their own self, to learn their own value.  We all know it's easier to fit in every single time. To walk in the room and talk about someone else, then it is to believe in yourself. To dress, look and act the part and your good to go. Maybe on the outside, but I can assure you, not on the inside.

Why would you ever have an amazing idea and say no to your own heart? One word- Conformity. 

It just may be the greatest individual action that truly shows everything you need to know about a person's character. An individual that conforms will abandon anything they start from the heart, to take on an identity to please the crowd every single time.

I challenge you to look in the mirror, listen to only your voice, stand alone in a time of adversity and see what you'll learn. The answer to many of life's issues all start with you, internally, not externally.

Don't ignore your heart, it always tells the truth.

One Year Sober

This Saturday I'll be celebrating my one year sober and clean from alcohol. I don't say this to brag or impress on anyone that if you drink alcohol that makes you a bad person.

I just know what it was doing to me and the effects it was having on me personally. For me personally, I decided it just wasn't worth it anymore. Enough was enough.

As you can imagine, when you turn from a path to pretty much going off the beating one into self discovery mode, entrepreneurial, taking risks etc.. You are met with some intense critics and at times pure hate.

Over this year I've been met with a ton of nicknames. To name a few... Communist, Fake, Phony... Etc.. I stood there and I took it, but I realize anyone who so chooses to use that language toward you does not deserve a spot in your head or life. Also they are usually saying more about themselves then then are you.

Choose to live by values and principles and walk away. Wish them tremendous blessings in life and carry on.

The old mantra is true if you'll change, everything will change. The key to your better future is you. I used to hope the government would change, taxes would change, the economy would change, negative relatives would change, but I realized there was a big problem with my list, I wasn't on it.

The work of real change in life starts with you. It's an internal battle, not an external one. Work on the guy or girl in the mirror each day and I promise you everything will change for you.

This past year I purposefully used Instagram as my way to challenge myself to post content that would add value to someone's life or at least make you think, and document where the sober journey was taking me, so I'd be able to reflect.

So I decided to compile a 3 minute video last night of where this last year has taken me and I'm excited because it's only the beginning of a better future.

Many other voices will try to tell you what you should do and where you should be. My best advice stay true to your heart man. Win the war internally and your external environment will not only clean up, but your heart and soul will flood with tremendous joy and fulfillment. You'll start to enjoy the reflection staring back at you.

Wishing you all the blessings on into the holidays and the New Year! Be set free. God Bless!

Hope you enjoy.

Video Music Credit: Boyce Avenue- On My Way

http://youtu.be/mLtMj4grzgY

A True Gift

Lately as I watch some things unfold in life,  all I can think about is, go to work on the man in the mirror. Shut off the noise and stay true to your heart...

It's what I've learned from one of the most important people to ever step foot in my life, and honestly it was because I chose to listen, it has made all the difference.

For about a year I was one on one mentoring with former NFL player and my good friend Caleb Campbell weekly.  We frequented Starbucks and Spot Coffee sometimes two to three times a week.  I couldn't understand for the life of me what he was doing with his life, and quite honestly I had no clue what I was doing with mine.  I knew I wanted more, but I didn't know how to start.  I couldn't figure out how a Texas boy went from the NFL to Buffalo, NY.

He had the makings of everything on the outside. I'm like dude you're verified on twitter. You are like texting someone on the Detroit Lions right now.  You have your own Wikipedia.  ESPN did this crazy special on you.  You have dressed and were drafted in the NFL.  You have this amazing ring from West Point.  Your story is unbelievable.  What are you doing in Buffalo? You came here for a church? Can I check your pulse?

It was crazy because when we both met I had returned to church to "get good again."  After all, that's why I thought you went to church.  There just so happened to be a guest pastor that week and he said something that day that has resignated with me ever since.

He said, "How many times is God going to put somebody in your life that is telling you to hit the brakes, like your mother used to stick her arm out at a stop light when she slammed on the brakes, and God is saying Stop! And you will continuously ignore him and wonder why your life is a mess.  Gods telling you to come home.  He has plans for you, to renew you and restore you.  It's time to stop relying on your ways and come home."

I just sat there stunned because I knew at the time he was talking about Caleb, but I began to think of all the other people he placed in my life that I blew off.  Everything in me at the time made me want to run again, but I knew I had to stay.  The opportunities to make different choices in life, the pride that I had listened to and bought into for so long was over.  I decided enough was enough.

I couldn't wait to get coffee with Caleb that week and explain to him the lesson.  He said, it's amazing isn't it.  He said the world is masked by a charade, chasing a rabbit they'll never catch.  I said, Can you explain that?  He said the NFL, West Point, I was driven by fear.  My entire identity was into Caleb succeeding for everyone else, but Caleb.

He said I love the game of football, but without it Who am I?  As he told me about a blown play on his part at Cowboys stadium with his whole family in attendance.  He said, I was suppose to be at the top of my life, I'm in front of 80,000 people, but I didn't know who I was.  I felt so empty.

He was coming from the NFL (Detroit Lions and Kansas City Chiefs) and a West Point graduate to sleeping on the floor of an apartment building in Buffalo, NY. He became a cleaning guy at his church, mopping the floor and shining the doors, taking out the trash.  He was a free agent, but was receiving offers from Canadian football and a few Arena Leagues as well.

Most of his friends told him he was committing career suicide.  He went on to tell me until you are willing to deny yourself, you'll never learn who you are and how he learned more about himself through a mop and a broom then he ever did through NFL cleats.

He taught me to be transformed in the image God created you to be, you have to deny yourself, put down all your stuff and pick up the cross and follow it.  I thought, Wow man, that's a lot to give up.  He said it's not giving it up.  To discover my true self is the greatest victory of all.

We often met during the work days and this made me feel tremendously like I was doing something wrong. After all I had a Masters Degree.  I had the dream career life ahead.  I was working my way up the ladders of life.  I said see Caleb I want to discover me, but if you ask people who all know me, they'd accept me more if I would just work at that bank over there, just to have a job title.

But something just did not feel right when I spent time in any corporate seminars, networking events or interviews... I was feeling empty inside.  I often felt the conversation to be a charade like Caleb explained.  I knew I did not completely know who I was and I was not going to find my true identity there.  I couldn't stand to be in an office environment where it felt like people talked about each other, more then worked on their future.  

As you can imagine when you turn from it all, drop your stuff and go to work on finding yourself by belonging to causes and purposes that have nothing to do with you, you are met with tremendous critics and people barking at you.  Let me explain.

Well let's see here are some big decisions I have made over the past year.  

-I sold my entire apartment and ended the lease.  
-I moved home with my parents.  
-I quit drinking. Almost a year on December 13th 
-I started reading and listening to way more books and personal development audios.  
-I began speaking more and I began writing more.  
-I decided to get more pro active in church. Volunteering.  
-I decided to take more chances, travel more, and be apart of some amazing things that I could never have honestly scripted better.  Times where the budget said no, but God said Yes.
-I released any strains on my budget as to all things that are related to health, church, fitness, service to others, and identifying and finding my true self.

I wanted God to drive the wheel, not Jeff.  For the first time in my life I began to feel a tremendous freedom.

Honestly a few people asked me if I was suicidal.  I would walk into some functions and I would get the looks, the lets just not talk about him thing going on. Exactly what happened to Caleb happened to me and he told me it would.  As soon as I sold my entire apartment and moved home critics were barking and raving "Oh if Jeff's life is so good why's he back at his parents."   

See people look at the outside, God looks at your heart. 

As soon as I quit drinking, half of my friends fell off.  I was disowned by plenty of people that I used to spend quite a bit of time with.  People I thought would forever be a part of my life were now gone.  But what this allowed me to do was greater then chasing that rabbit and charade Caleb taught me about.

I have been able to spend tremendous amounts of time around family.  I felt free from all clutter, all the stuff I pretty much owned that was suppose to make me look good.  I was able to spend my time developing my mind, reading, being around people sober who were praying over me and always sending blessings my way.

My speaking went to a whole different level.  My complexion started to change.  Noticeably people began asking me how I was so happy?  I became quite the guy to figure out.  Often asked, "What's next, What do you do with that, What are you really doing?  I don't understand.  It makes no sense to me."

I was transforming from the inside out.  I was free to take risks and take advantage of opportunities to which in my heart I know God was the provider of, not Jeff.  The decision to put your spiritual life first is a roller coaster.  Often times you are going to endure many tests, and things won't make sense, but in the end you'll figure out Gods intention.  Honestly, often time this is all so hard to explain.  You only learn by doing it.

So why do I tell you this story? It's been on my heart and this just may have been one of the best years of my life when I seemingly to the worlds eyes have nothing, but I feel like I have everything.

Here's my question to you:
What drives you currently and if it was taken from you, would you know who you are?

Life is the journey.  We all have a story that can change the world.  Your heart is capable of being renewed and if you learn to trust in God, all things are possible.  My prayer to you is that you find what it is your heart longs for and you pursue that.  Life's too short. God Bless.

Semper Fi. Stay True.

Why I left the "Rat Race"

I remember the day I left the "Rat Race" like it was yesterday.  I was overweight, glued to an office, working on salary, way more then 40 hours a week and I was the guy who ran around trying to stay positive, but was completely negative, saying I had no time for anything.

My life felt like I was a Gerbil on a wheel, it was suffocating me.  I had just came back from a National Conference in Las Vegas. I was leading four or five community and work projects, and I was dealing with an unexpected death of an important person in my life. My phone was ringing non-stop about the meeting that day.

I was jet lagged, getting bombarded by e-mails, texts... Call me back! Important meeting today! And I sat there saying.. Is this what life is really about? Chase money, forget people.  I know a truth and this isn't it. My time spent in the Marine Corps made me realize how short and fragile life truly is.

I was trying to communicate to almost everyone what I was going through.  It was evident no one cared, it wasn't about me, it was about them.  The only thing my boss would hear was, you must be at the meeting. I remember sitting there looking at my computer screen seeing emails come in, my phone was going off non stop.  I shut my door and I closed the computer and unplugged the office phone.  I hadn't prayed in awhile and I had drifted away from my faith.

In that moment I closed my eyes and said, "God, this kind of life isn't for me. I have no clue where I'm going to go, but I am not staying here.  I pray for all these people that they find you and that they realize there is so much more to life. God, I pray you will bring an opportunity into my life and redirect my life for the better.  I have absolutely no clue where I'm going after I leave this office besides to the funeral home, but I trust that you will guide my life.  I'm coming home."

I decided in that moment, I was resigning from my position, and I no longer would return.  Almost immediately after I informed boss, he said, "Offer accepted. Pack your stuff and go. Leave the key on the desk." 

Funny I thought to myself, Why would anyone want to live this way? I honestly have no clue where I am going besides the funeral home right now, but there was a huge weight lifted off me that day.

The biggest revelation came to me in the following weeks.

Success without fulfillment is failure. You can look so great on the outside, but who cares if you are dying on the inside.

So here's where it gets interesting, I had realized social media was taking off and I started building an account part time to try to reach out to like minded people who were going through similar life struggles.  I named it @MarineProblems.  I thought someone out there has to understand.  At the time the account was fairly new, only relativey 6 or 7 months old and I almost quit on it after a few buddies were like why would you waste your time with that?  Also, it kind of became the laughing stock to some people. Yet had I not followed my intuition, I'd never be on this current path.

Today that account has nearly 7,000 followers and consistently grows every single day. I interact with thousands of people daily. It's almost mind-blowing. Twitter recently released my data to me and I reach near a million people a month and rising.

Just a few months after I had walked away from my job, I got a message through that very account about an opportunity, that I almost blew off to be honest.  Had I not listened with an open mind, the path I am on would never be possible.  It's crazy how such small things can transform your life forever.  To this day, it's the only opportunity that has ever came through that account. God answers prayers.

All the sudden thousands of people who had similar stories came flooding into my life, and I felt like I had won, but really the battle was just beginning.  I had to go hard to work on myself and undo, unravel all the junk in my heart, the hurt in my eyes and I had to get Back in the Fight.

So I decided to take an entrepreneurial journey..  If no one has informed you yet, it's not very popular to most people.  If you too want to turn from the "Rat Race" stand by cause here's some of the rocks that will be thrown at you:

You're going to fail. 
Do you know the people that succeed are one in a million?  
Why would you throw your life away? 
Haha you're doing what?! 
Are you crazy? 
Those things never work. 
Good Luck with that. 
I don't think you'll make it.  
Do you know that no one will hire you? Your resume has a huge gap in it.
What are you doing? Just get in with the State. They'll take care of you.
Oh you're just one of those crazy dreamers..
All the good ideas are taken.
You really think you have what it takes?
Oh look out, here he is, the next Steve Jobs, The next Mark Zuckerberg.
Oh here he is, Mr Dreamer, Mr Positive... Watch out!!

Quite frankly none of those phrases even effect me.  Because most people don't know my story and the very people chucking them at me for the most part are exactly where I used to be.  My whole life changed on that decision.  Everything in my life changed. All the sudden pro athletes, famous musicians, motivational speakers, some of the top entrepreneurs in the nation were showing up around me.

I have legit done some of the most incredible things in the last few years that no cubicle would ever allow me to do.  

Understand that if you choose this path, you are going to have to walk into the room and be the weirdo for awhile, the freak, the one that gets laughed at. After awhile when good stuff starts happening to you all those statements and questions above start to get more minimal because they see the change in you and they actually start thinking, Damn he might be right.

The number one question starts to become How?  How do you get so lucky? Must be nice to do all the things you do.  There is a simple answer... It starts with a decision. Had I never walked away from everything that day, none of these things would have ever happened to me.  You see opportunites are all around us, we just are blind to them because we are too caught up in the race to even see them.

The reason most will never ever turn from the "Rat Race" is it takes a lot of guts to do it. You have to go against the flow of traffic, throw away the days of the week, the hours out the window, be misunderstood by almost all your friends and peers. There's uncertainty, there's trials, tribulations, incredible sacrifice, risks to take and days where you will flat out be exhausted.

The funny thing is that's why you end up surrounded by the elite. The pro athletes, the musicians, the motivational speakers, the successful entrepreneurs because at one point in there life, they made the very same decision as me.

I challenge you to go study someone famous and look back to where their journey started.  They didn't just land on top of the mountain.  They had a similar journey and the best part is anyone can do it. You can do it, I can do it. Last time I checked, we all get the same 24 hours in a day, 365 days a year.  Ultimately, it's your daily choices and actions that will run you and decide the course of your life.  It's why entrepreneurs are big picture thinkers. They have to see themselves there before it ever happens. Everyday you're stepping forward is a step closer to your dream.

It honestly doesn't matter who you are.  Every single day is a new chance to hit the reset button and redirect your life forever.

In my opinion, it's better to go to bed fulfilled and tired at night then it is drained, bored and sick of your life.

My best advice to you is chase the vision, not the money. Life is to short to ask what if? You have unique gifts inside you that none of us have. Tap into those.  And hopefully one day we will be hearing your story.

God bless.

Laying The Foundation

God's been really pressing this on me and giving me a serious revelation, and I can't get it out of my head. So, I'm going to share it hope in that some way it blesses you wherever you may be.

"Build the foundations of your life on rock and not on sand."

It's biblical that the wise man builds his house upon the rock and the foolish man builds his house upon the sand.  I'm not just talking about your house you live in either.  I'm talking about your philosophies, your relationships, your lifestyle choices.. etc.  

Over the past year or so I've been really soaking that phrase in. I believe it is that quote that can make or break our life's.  

Obviously we are all going to be met with life's unexpected storms, but the one question we must constantly ask ourselves is how strong is our foundation?

Laying a solid foundation is the key to building anything long-term. People often wonder why things fall apart so easy. 

In my opinion, You have to ask yourself when your life feels like it's falling apart: 

Did you build that (business, relationship, family, lifestyle... etc) on a weak foundation? 

Was it a rush to show you matter?  

Was it pride/ego?  
Was it to prove something to someone? 
Was it to keep up with the neighbors or the Jones's? 

Did you rush something so much that you completely skipped the foundation?

A weak foundation will almost always never withstand the first few storms.

However, a solid foundation will always withstand the storms of life. Strong foundations take much longer.  They are carefully crafted. A brick may come loose, but you don't move forward until it is laid properly.

Regardless of your current political affiliations here's a great example. 

Think about this: The foundation of America has withstood how many storms? And we are still here today. The foundation was tested many times, wars, the economy, scandals... Yet the flag still stands because of what our forefathers laid down a few hundred years ago. 

The forefathers built our country to last.

If you want to build something long-term you have to build it brick by brick with patience. By slowly laying one brick at a time the foundation of that (business, marriage, family.. Etc) will become more and more solid to the point the storms will have a tough time destroying anything that comes it's way.

Where do you find yourself today?

The harsh reality we all face is we are the sum total of all of our past choices and actions. Yes! Where we are today is our fault. Instead of pointing the blame externally which we quite often tend to do, it takes courage to look at the person in the mirror and own up.

I hope your present circumstances find you well. I hope your winning in this life and enjoying every single day! However, if your present circumstances don't look good. Don't worry your life's not over. You're still breathing. It's your chance to start over, renewed and refreshed! 

The one question I've asked myself plenty of times this year, I'm going pose to you. 

Is your current foundation built upon rock or on sand?

God Bless :)

The Prolonged Decision To Go Sober

Almost every single time I visited the doctor, I dreaded the question coming my way.  So how much and how often do you drink alcohol? The scale they used to judge you, I perceived as unfair.  I was thinking, This is America doc. Everyone must fail this test because the doctor thinks more than six alcoholic drinks a week is failing.  However, for me that was an average night of just barley getting started possibly four, five or six days a week, depending on the week.  So, I'd cringe telling the doctor because I knew every single time I was going to be recommend to Substance Abuse therapy.

Having attended a brief stint of the therapy five or six years ago, I quickly ran away from it.  I didn't think I had a problem and I was really annoyed they even thought to send me there. After having to make a list of what life looked like sober versus with alcohol being in my daily to weekly habits, I decided this doctor obviously doesn't know me or reality. I am a Marine Corps Combat Veteran, I am German with a mix of Irish, and I am from one of the biggest drinking cities in America, Buffalo, NY. Marines, we drink. It's Buffalo- We drink to our sports teams, we drink and eat wings. It's just what we do.  It's just what I do.  Leave me alone. 
  
Throughout my time serving my country, I learned to booze like there was no tomorrow.  Well, because hell I spent 14 months total between Afghanistan and Iraq in the Infantry, so literally, there may never be a tomorrow.  I guess the more popular way people in their 20's describe it is YOLO-(You Only Live Once).  I remember when I was honorably discharged out of the military, I was only 22 years old.  I remember, people thinking I was just a normal average kid.  I was actually criticized by classmates as they found out I was older.  

In Iraq in November 2005 during Operation Steel Curtain

Why are you 25 and in college, Did you take time off and party?  That was a question I got, and more often then not I was frustrated because although I looked like everyone else, they had no clue what was going on inside of me or where I had been, so drinking became a way of life.  A bottle of beer, and I had the solution.  This was a struggle and a struggle that stayed with me throughout my college days post military, all the way up until recently.

Here is a personal quote I came up with that is going to set up the rest of what I'm about to tell you:  

"Unless you're willing to get to the root of the issue, you'll spend your whole life treating symptoms.  You can only put so many band aids on something that needs surgery."

I started blaming the doctor about this issue.  The doctor just doesn't understand.  She would never understand my story.  I started condemning the doctor and everyone I knew, saying in my head "Tell me if you didn't go through what I went through, that you wouldn't be a huge boozer as well."  I thought too myself, I turned 20 in Afghanistan and 21 in Iraq.  There were no limo parties for me.  In fact, I was on the side of a mountain in Afghanistan on my birthday and I was on a twenty four hour shift on my birthday in Iraq.  Happy Birthday to me.  I risked getting killed for this country, so who are they to tell me how to live.  I don't have to explain myself anymore or to any of these people aka- Pride which can be deadly.  The- I know better mentality, which can sometimes also be deadly. If drinking is what I want to do, that's what I'm going to do.  Period.

Well after prolonged years of this and a few attempts too drastically cut back drinking, where I got it down to special occasions, only to return to full fledged drinking again; I realized that I thought I was in control, but I wasn't at all.  Basically I was negotiating with myself, treating the symptoms over and over, without ever getting to the root of the issue.  

Over this past summer I was in church on a Sunday, and we had a guest Pastor in town talking about how many times is God going to want you to hit the brakes on an addiction or an issue, and you have the right people around you trying to help you, and there you are saying, Nope I know better.

I immediately thought of the doctor amongst some others that I chose to ignore every single time.  It took one of my mentors sticking his arm out like your mother probably did when she slammed on the brakes at a red light when you were growing up, and saying Brother you are an amazing man, but we have to go to the root of the issue.  I seriously wanted to run away right there.  That was terrifying to me, to go all the way back and think about where this started.  Yikes!

I drastically didn't want to sit down with him, because I knew I was going to be vulnerable, and much like my doctor, it was going to be a repeated conversation of me concluding that he just doesn't understand.  The important thing is: I dropped my guard, and opened my ears and my mind. Don't we seem to have a hard time doing this in life?  I welcomed being broken down, because I knew alcohol consistently kept leading me on the road to no where.  

Well, he sat down with me and started asking questions, which I cringed to answer.  I actually think my palms were sweating and I wanted a drink right there.  He eventually pointed out that any addiction, negative or bad reaction human beings have is like a bad weed in a garden, the seed started long ago and it is a bad root that is continuing to grow inside you.  And that until I dug to the root of the issue, these weeds were only going to get worse and worse, unless I made a decision to do something about it.

In 2007 upon returning home from the Military

 In order for things in your life to change, you have to change the things in your life.  To get something different, you have to do something different.

That hit me hard because I knew I had to stop doing what was comfortable, and seek solutions.  I stopped pointing fingers at everyone and everything else, and I actually had to point the finger at myself. Ouch.  That hurt.

I started to dig deep to the root of the issue.  I didn't understand, until I did some self reflecting. I returned from Afghanistan in 2004 and Iraq in 2006, one of the first things you want to do is drink it up and have a good time with family, friends and loved ones.  You're home, you made it back. You deserve it.  Lets party!  It's an amazing feeling.  The thing is the high of you serving your country wears off to almost everyone, accept you and many of your buddies that wore the nations uniform as well.  After all, 1% of the nation serves in the military, and fewer then that actually go into war, and fight on the front lines.  You are left fighting an internal battle that could control the rest of your life if you let it.  The important part is: If you let it.  So what do you start to do, without you knowing it, you negotiate your way into a life of percieved comfort, and alcohol can easily become the choice to mask the wounds.  

It took me some time too realize that yes I was drinking with crowds of people, family, friends etc, but when they stopped, I carried on.  Everyday of the week had a reason to drink for me.  I was drinking for a different reason.  I wasn't out to experience my first keg stand, to socially have a night out, or too impress people at the club.  It was my way of feeling normal.  In fact, I often found myself drinking in places that weren't the most uppity clubs or bars in the world because it was relaxed.  I more often then not, chose to hang out with people way older than me, because I knew they would just drink and chill, while people my age or in the 20's, in my opinion were out to make a show of their drinking.  It always seemed like four drinks in, I was feeling normal and they were ready to start something with someone, which I hated.

After about five of six years of this on and off... Man, I don't know how better to say it then I hit a wall.  The comfort of alcohol was a lie.  It was destroying my life.  My life was falling apart.  The alcohol was draining my bank account.  I was at an all time high for anxiety.  More days then not, I'd actually schedule a whole day or two in my week to recover. I just couldn't recover anymore.  I actually had a few full fledged panic attacks while going through withdrawals.  I couldn't concentrate anywhere and I was ruining myself.  Drinking just wasn't funny anymore or fun.  

The question still remained what did life look like sober?  I was scared to see it.  Yet, I made the decision too see it. I went to the root of the issue, as I was done treating symptoms.  I was mainly scared to see it because I relied upon it, it was my outlet.  It was my comfort zone.  I didn't want friends or family to think I was trying to become the perfect person, like I was putting myself up on a pedestal.  I didn't want to be criticized.  You name it, I was feeling it. It felt like the world was crashing down.  Man, I was vulnerable, but I chose to see it through.

"It's during the moments of perceived darkness, where you're actually introduced to the light." (Tweet That)

I didn't realize that on the other side of this issue was a life awaiting me.  It's where my themed movement I've started came from: "Back In The Fight"... It was time to get back up and get Back in the fight of life, and I've found this has resignated with people fighting their own battles.  I am now in control, I am now able to dive into my dreams whole heartedly, without distraction.  It was like I was ousted out of the darkness and into the light.  By pointing the finger at myself, I was able to take that lesson into so many other things in my life.  

Recently in Crossfit Training at Athletes Unleashed

God will take you out of the darkness and into the light if you make the decision.  I recognized, I was the only one that could.  I've had so many revelations sober, where I've seen my old self to where I'd normally be drunk, versus where I actually am sober.

If you're out there reading this.  Don't think I'm condemning drinking or your life.  This is a brief part of my story and my testimony.  Maybe you're struggling like I was.  I just want to let you know if you are going through a transition or change see it through.  You are stronger then you think.  On the other side is a reward.  Trust me.  I feel like my life is only just beginning, now that I can see and think clearly.  

God Bless.  Semper Fi 

What about you? Do you struggle with anything similar or have you over came an addiction?

Open Up Your Mind And You'll Be Introduced To A World You Never Once Knew

So I remember it perfectly.  It was December 2012.  I had just finished up my Masters Degree and all signs pointed I was on my way to Corporate America.

It's kind of funny what happened next.  I had never watched "The Voice" at all. In fact I usually made fun of people who did, but one cold winter night during a crossroads in my life I happened to stop on NBC as I was flipping channels in my old apartment. I saw this girl, Cassadee Pope singing and it caught my attention. I knew nothing about her, but immediately I was like this girl has something. I saw a girl glowing with passion and chasing her dream. It was the second last episode of that season and I just knew she was going to win. Especially after her mind blowing cover of Miranda Lambert's famed song, "Over You"  She stood out. I ended up watching the season finale to see her win and sing alongside her hero Avril Lavigne, looking like she was having the time of her life.  

I started realizing man people who chase their dreams have the best stories.  The more I learned about her, I was like damn this girl speaks my language. That's the biggest thing I realized is people who chase their dreams understand one another because they have common similarities that most people aren't willing to endure.  The risk, the criticisms, the hate, the adversity... Basically you say to yourself- I am willing to fail in front of the whole world and in the end it's still a success.

Soon after that final episode aired and Cassadee was crowned Season 3 Winner of the Voice, I had an opportunity come to me that would allow me to live my dream if I was willing to change my bad habits, to give up my safety and comfort as well as what most people cling to is their security aka "comfort zones."  

I decided to go all in on my dreams, turning from the Corporate way of life. I was excited, yet secretly terrified.  I threw my resumes in the garbage (which felt so good) and what do you know the day I decided to do that... That night, I look over and there she was again on my TV this time on New Years Eve in Times Square with Carson Daily.  God will give you signs to let you know you are not alone and this was one of them. 

I remember thinking man going after your dream is so amazing.  Just laying it all on the line and taking that chance, look at the rewards on the other side. She went from not knowing if she'd win a show in front of the world on TV to singing at one of the biggest celebrations in America. It's truly amazing! 


Needless to say here I was, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing, and I had almost all my friend groups criticizing and disowning me for choosing to live my dreams.  I had family telling me I was nuts, but New Years Day 2013, I hopped in my car anyways on a dollar and a dream and was off to Florida to start this journey. I've been on the journey ever since all over America landing in spots I never could've imagined.  My whole life changed overnight.  Yeah, plenty of people left me.  They turned there back and were gone, but man I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.

Am I rich yet?  No... Has everything gone as planned? No, actually not at all.  I've failed so many times in this past year and a half it's incredible, each failure teaching me a new lesson.  It's been the greatest growing experience of my life.  If anyone told you dreams were easy, they lied. I sold everything I had, dropped my apartment and went all in.  Tip toeing in the water will never work in living your dream.  It's pretty simple, you're either in or you're out.  There really is no in between.  If you stop, no one is covering your shift.  So, for the days of uncertainty on the path of pursuing my dreams, I came up with this quote that has carried me through the patches where I didn't know, and the future seemed blurry.  I chose to focus on the here and now instead.  I'd look in the mirror and say this quote: "I've never been more broke, but I've never felt so rich." 

I am alive. I am free, and I am in love with this life. It's rare you don't find me smiling now a days. I've been blessed to be able to be mentored for over a year now with a guy I call my good friend who came from the National Football League.  I've met my heroes.  I've seen every aspect of my favorite hockey teams NHL arena and got a guided tour by a player.  I got to touch and pose with the Stanley Cup.  Things I always dreamed about as a kid. I am not here to brag about any of this, but I am here to show you it's possible.  If you can think it, it's real and it just gets more and more real as the days carry on.  Often the question I am asked and I find funny is: How come you get to do all this stuff?   Scroll back to the top and re read what I've already wrote.  Serving my country and fighting in two wars, making it back alive and in one piece laid the foundation.  Bottom line is: You have to make a decision and you must endure risk. Plain and simple. 

I remember thinking if I had a chance to meet Cassadee "someday" I'd want to say thank you for changing my life and being a huge influence to me, during such an uncertain time. Three months after I made the decision around New Years 2013 I met her in Las Vegas on a limb while at a convention. I had no clue we'd be at the same place, same time. I had no clue I'd ever meet her. Now I've been fortunate and blessed to be able to meet her three times now in just over a year.  I've been blessed to be able to share some laughs with Cassadee. She is truly one of the nicest, most genuine girls I've ever met. If you have the chance to meet her, do it. In fact this past time we joked, "Started from the bottom now we here." Haha.   

In fact, there has only ever been five winners of The Voice and I've met three of them.  It's insane to me, but God will open doors when you put your faith in him and say, I trust you.  You are guiding me, though I can't always see it.  Great quote from a pastor that I carry with me on the journey is: "God uses pain and suffering to shape us into who we ought to be, not who we want to be, or what others think we should be."

Bottom line is: Thoughts become things.  You have to be willing to be all in though, or else thoughts are just thoughts.  It's like being in an endless day dream.  You have to awake from that day dream and get out there if you want it. The world is massive with tremendous opportunity and you have skills no one else has. Think about that. It's astonishing. Use them.  

If you're out there chasing your dream keep going.  Failure is the stepping stone to massive growth.  You just never know who you are inspiring and God has a plan for you. 

No matter what anyone says- Listen to what God puts in your heart, it will never lead you astray.  Oh and in case I didn't make it clear- Thank you Cassadee for being that shining light when I needed it most.

God Bless and Semper Fi