Conformity. A True Disease

 

Conformity. I believe it's a disease of the weak minded.  Most people may never go on to discover their greatest gifts only to fulfill the desire to fit in, in every crowd they ever encounter.  

I got to reading this today and I had some real thoughts as I read this, as I believe it's the number one cause of many of life's difficulties and it will often lead to an unfulfilled very empty heart...

So first...

What is conformity?
 
Conformity is a type of social influence involving a change in belief or behavior in order to fit in with a group.

This change is in response to real (involving the physical presence of others) or imagined (involving the pressure of social norms / expectations) group pressure.
 
Conformity can also be simply defined as “yielding to group pressures”

Group pressure may take different forms, for example bullying, persuasion, teasing, criticism etc. Conformity is also known as majority influence (or group pressure).
 

The term conformity is often used to indicate an agreement to the majority position, brought about either by a desire to ‘fit in’ or be liked (normative) or because of a desire to be correct (informational), or simply to conform to a social role (identification).

 

This is the very reason I find it hard to stay in most groups for extended periods of time.  As soon as they learn who you are and that you think different, the group usually tries to force you into conformity, often times labeling you with stupid nicknames, treating you like crap, pressuring you to act a certain way, cracking jokes about you, and externally lashing out at you just cause you won't conform to the ways of the crowd.

For one second just look at all the great entrepreneurs and leaders throughout history (Steve Jobs, Ghandi, Dr. King) they all share something unique. They stayed true to them-self throughout the whole process, refusing to conform to anything outside of their heart, their vision, and often times what was right for the greater good of society. That's why in 2014 we still bring them up long after they've departed the earth.

Isn't it funny how usually we name the same people over and over who have made a significant impact on the world? That in itself will show you how popular it is to conform. 

One of my favorite quotes is about our deepest fear as humans.  In that quote it says.. "Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so other people won't feel insecure around you." This quote I believe speaks volumes.  How often do we yield to pressure just to be accepted?

In conformity, people lose track of the most important thing and that is their-self. All of their individual creativity, their thoughts get thrown out the window.  They become just like the group in order to feel comfortable, to fit in, which in response your telling your own heart no.  

What I find funny is the conformist spends so much time on external conditions, everything outside of them-self... world affairs, what he said, she said, the economy.. etc. because I believe it's an amazing escape and avoidant behavior to discovering your true identity.

Just too darn afraid of their own their own self, to learn their own value.  We all know it's easier to fit in every single time. To walk in the room and talk about someone else, then it is to believe in yourself. To dress, look and act the part and your good to go. Maybe on the outside, but I can assure you, not on the inside.

Why would you ever have an amazing idea and say no to your own heart? One word- Conformity. 

It just may be the greatest individual action that truly shows everything you need to know about a person's character. An individual that conforms will abandon anything they start from the heart, to take on an identity to please the crowd every single time.

I challenge you to look in the mirror, listen to only your voice, stand alone in a time of adversity and see what you'll learn. The answer to many of life's issues all start with you, internally, not externally.

Don't ignore your heart, it always tells the truth.

Why I left the "Rat Race"

I remember the day I left the "Rat Race" like it was yesterday.  I was overweight, glued to an office, working on salary, way more then 40 hours a week and I was the guy who ran around trying to stay positive, but was completely negative, saying I had no time for anything.

My life felt like I was a Gerbil on a wheel, it was suffocating me.  I had just came back from a National Conference in Las Vegas. I was leading four or five community and work projects, and I was dealing with an unexpected death of an important person in my life. My phone was ringing non-stop about the meeting that day.

I was jet lagged, getting bombarded by e-mails, texts... Call me back! Important meeting today! And I sat there saying.. Is this what life is really about? Chase money, forget people.  I know a truth and this isn't it. My time spent in the Marine Corps made me realize how short and fragile life truly is.

I was trying to communicate to almost everyone what I was going through.  It was evident no one cared, it wasn't about me, it was about them.  The only thing my boss would hear was, you must be at the meeting. I remember sitting there looking at my computer screen seeing emails come in, my phone was going off non stop.  I shut my door and I closed the computer and unplugged the office phone.  I hadn't prayed in awhile and I had drifted away from my faith.

In that moment I closed my eyes and said, "God, this kind of life isn't for me. I have no clue where I'm going to go, but I am not staying here.  I pray for all these people that they find you and that they realize there is so much more to life. God, I pray you will bring an opportunity into my life and redirect my life for the better.  I have absolutely no clue where I'm going after I leave this office besides to the funeral home, but I trust that you will guide my life.  I'm coming home."

I decided in that moment, I was resigning from my position, and I no longer would return.  Almost immediately after I informed boss, he said, "Offer accepted. Pack your stuff and go. Leave the key on the desk." 

Funny I thought to myself, Why would anyone want to live this way? I honestly have no clue where I am going besides the funeral home right now, but there was a huge weight lifted off me that day.

The biggest revelation came to me in the following weeks.

Success without fulfillment is failure. You can look so great on the outside, but who cares if you are dying on the inside.

So here's where it gets interesting, I had realized social media was taking off and I started building an account part time to try to reach out to like minded people who were going through similar life struggles.  I named it @MarineProblems.  I thought someone out there has to understand.  At the time the account was fairly new, only relativey 6 or 7 months old and I almost quit on it after a few buddies were like why would you waste your time with that?  Also, it kind of became the laughing stock to some people. Yet had I not followed my intuition, I'd never be on this current path.

Today that account has nearly 7,000 followers and consistently grows every single day. I interact with thousands of people daily. It's almost mind-blowing. Twitter recently released my data to me and I reach near a million people a month and rising.

Just a few months after I had walked away from my job, I got a message through that very account about an opportunity, that I almost blew off to be honest.  Had I not listened with an open mind, the path I am on would never be possible.  It's crazy how such small things can transform your life forever.  To this day, it's the only opportunity that has ever came through that account. God answers prayers.

All the sudden thousands of people who had similar stories came flooding into my life, and I felt like I had won, but really the battle was just beginning.  I had to go hard to work on myself and undo, unravel all the junk in my heart, the hurt in my eyes and I had to get Back in the Fight.

So I decided to take an entrepreneurial journey..  If no one has informed you yet, it's not very popular to most people.  If you too want to turn from the "Rat Race" stand by cause here's some of the rocks that will be thrown at you:

You're going to fail. 
Do you know the people that succeed are one in a million?  
Why would you throw your life away? 
Haha you're doing what?! 
Are you crazy? 
Those things never work. 
Good Luck with that. 
I don't think you'll make it.  
Do you know that no one will hire you? Your resume has a huge gap in it.
What are you doing? Just get in with the State. They'll take care of you.
Oh you're just one of those crazy dreamers..
All the good ideas are taken.
You really think you have what it takes?
Oh look out, here he is, the next Steve Jobs, The next Mark Zuckerberg.
Oh here he is, Mr Dreamer, Mr Positive... Watch out!!

Quite frankly none of those phrases even effect me.  Because most people don't know my story and the very people chucking them at me for the most part are exactly where I used to be.  My whole life changed on that decision.  Everything in my life changed. All the sudden pro athletes, famous musicians, motivational speakers, some of the top entrepreneurs in the nation were showing up around me.

I have legit done some of the most incredible things in the last few years that no cubicle would ever allow me to do.  

Understand that if you choose this path, you are going to have to walk into the room and be the weirdo for awhile, the freak, the one that gets laughed at. After awhile when good stuff starts happening to you all those statements and questions above start to get more minimal because they see the change in you and they actually start thinking, Damn he might be right.

The number one question starts to become How?  How do you get so lucky? Must be nice to do all the things you do.  There is a simple answer... It starts with a decision. Had I never walked away from everything that day, none of these things would have ever happened to me.  You see opportunites are all around us, we just are blind to them because we are too caught up in the race to even see them.

The reason most will never ever turn from the "Rat Race" is it takes a lot of guts to do it. You have to go against the flow of traffic, throw away the days of the week, the hours out the window, be misunderstood by almost all your friends and peers. There's uncertainty, there's trials, tribulations, incredible sacrifice, risks to take and days where you will flat out be exhausted.

The funny thing is that's why you end up surrounded by the elite. The pro athletes, the musicians, the motivational speakers, the successful entrepreneurs because at one point in there life, they made the very same decision as me.

I challenge you to go study someone famous and look back to where their journey started.  They didn't just land on top of the mountain.  They had a similar journey and the best part is anyone can do it. You can do it, I can do it. Last time I checked, we all get the same 24 hours in a day, 365 days a year.  Ultimately, it's your daily choices and actions that will run you and decide the course of your life.  It's why entrepreneurs are big picture thinkers. They have to see themselves there before it ever happens. Everyday you're stepping forward is a step closer to your dream.

It honestly doesn't matter who you are.  Every single day is a new chance to hit the reset button and redirect your life forever.

In my opinion, it's better to go to bed fulfilled and tired at night then it is drained, bored and sick of your life.

My best advice to you is chase the vision, not the money. Life is to short to ask what if? You have unique gifts inside you that none of us have. Tap into those.  And hopefully one day we will be hearing your story.

God bless.

Open Up Your Mind And You'll Be Introduced To A World You Never Once Knew

So I remember it perfectly.  It was December 2012.  I had just finished up my Masters Degree and all signs pointed I was on my way to Corporate America.

It's kind of funny what happened next.  I had never watched "The Voice" at all. In fact I usually made fun of people who did, but one cold winter night during a crossroads in my life I happened to stop on NBC as I was flipping channels in my old apartment. I saw this girl, Cassadee Pope singing and it caught my attention. I knew nothing about her, but immediately I was like this girl has something. I saw a girl glowing with passion and chasing her dream. It was the second last episode of that season and I just knew she was going to win. Especially after her mind blowing cover of Miranda Lambert's famed song, "Over You"  She stood out. I ended up watching the season finale to see her win and sing alongside her hero Avril Lavigne, looking like she was having the time of her life.  

I started realizing man people who chase their dreams have the best stories.  The more I learned about her, I was like damn this girl speaks my language. That's the biggest thing I realized is people who chase their dreams understand one another because they have common similarities that most people aren't willing to endure.  The risk, the criticisms, the hate, the adversity... Basically you say to yourself- I am willing to fail in front of the whole world and in the end it's still a success.

Soon after that final episode aired and Cassadee was crowned Season 3 Winner of the Voice, I had an opportunity come to me that would allow me to live my dream if I was willing to change my bad habits, to give up my safety and comfort as well as what most people cling to is their security aka "comfort zones."  

I decided to go all in on my dreams, turning from the Corporate way of life. I was excited, yet secretly terrified.  I threw my resumes in the garbage (which felt so good) and what do you know the day I decided to do that... That night, I look over and there she was again on my TV this time on New Years Eve in Times Square with Carson Daily.  God will give you signs to let you know you are not alone and this was one of them. 

I remember thinking man going after your dream is so amazing.  Just laying it all on the line and taking that chance, look at the rewards on the other side. She went from not knowing if she'd win a show in front of the world on TV to singing at one of the biggest celebrations in America. It's truly amazing! 


Needless to say here I was, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing, and I had almost all my friend groups criticizing and disowning me for choosing to live my dreams.  I had family telling me I was nuts, but New Years Day 2013, I hopped in my car anyways on a dollar and a dream and was off to Florida to start this journey. I've been on the journey ever since all over America landing in spots I never could've imagined.  My whole life changed overnight.  Yeah, plenty of people left me.  They turned there back and were gone, but man I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.

Am I rich yet?  No... Has everything gone as planned? No, actually not at all.  I've failed so many times in this past year and a half it's incredible, each failure teaching me a new lesson.  It's been the greatest growing experience of my life.  If anyone told you dreams were easy, they lied. I sold everything I had, dropped my apartment and went all in.  Tip toeing in the water will never work in living your dream.  It's pretty simple, you're either in or you're out.  There really is no in between.  If you stop, no one is covering your shift.  So, for the days of uncertainty on the path of pursuing my dreams, I came up with this quote that has carried me through the patches where I didn't know, and the future seemed blurry.  I chose to focus on the here and now instead.  I'd look in the mirror and say this quote: "I've never been more broke, but I've never felt so rich." 

I am alive. I am free, and I am in love with this life. It's rare you don't find me smiling now a days. I've been blessed to be able to be mentored for over a year now with a guy I call my good friend who came from the National Football League.  I've met my heroes.  I've seen every aspect of my favorite hockey teams NHL arena and got a guided tour by a player.  I got to touch and pose with the Stanley Cup.  Things I always dreamed about as a kid. I am not here to brag about any of this, but I am here to show you it's possible.  If you can think it, it's real and it just gets more and more real as the days carry on.  Often the question I am asked and I find funny is: How come you get to do all this stuff?   Scroll back to the top and re read what I've already wrote.  Serving my country and fighting in two wars, making it back alive and in one piece laid the foundation.  Bottom line is: You have to make a decision and you must endure risk. Plain and simple. 

I remember thinking if I had a chance to meet Cassadee "someday" I'd want to say thank you for changing my life and being a huge influence to me, during such an uncertain time. Three months after I made the decision around New Years 2013 I met her in Las Vegas on a limb while at a convention. I had no clue we'd be at the same place, same time. I had no clue I'd ever meet her. Now I've been fortunate and blessed to be able to meet her three times now in just over a year.  I've been blessed to be able to share some laughs with Cassadee. She is truly one of the nicest, most genuine girls I've ever met. If you have the chance to meet her, do it. In fact this past time we joked, "Started from the bottom now we here." Haha.   

In fact, there has only ever been five winners of The Voice and I've met three of them.  It's insane to me, but God will open doors when you put your faith in him and say, I trust you.  You are guiding me, though I can't always see it.  Great quote from a pastor that I carry with me on the journey is: "God uses pain and suffering to shape us into who we ought to be, not who we want to be, or what others think we should be."

Bottom line is: Thoughts become things.  You have to be willing to be all in though, or else thoughts are just thoughts.  It's like being in an endless day dream.  You have to awake from that day dream and get out there if you want it. The world is massive with tremendous opportunity and you have skills no one else has. Think about that. It's astonishing. Use them.  

If you're out there chasing your dream keep going.  Failure is the stepping stone to massive growth.  You just never know who you are inspiring and God has a plan for you. 

No matter what anyone says- Listen to what God puts in your heart, it will never lead you astray.  Oh and in case I didn't make it clear- Thank you Cassadee for being that shining light when I needed it most.

God Bless and Semper Fi