Conformity. A True Disease

 

Conformity. I believe it's a disease of the weak minded.  Most people may never go on to discover their greatest gifts only to fulfill the desire to fit in, in every crowd they ever encounter.  

I got to reading this today and I had some real thoughts as I read this, as I believe it's the number one cause of many of life's difficulties and it will often lead to an unfulfilled very empty heart...

So first...

What is conformity?
 
Conformity is a type of social influence involving a change in belief or behavior in order to fit in with a group.

This change is in response to real (involving the physical presence of others) or imagined (involving the pressure of social norms / expectations) group pressure.
 
Conformity can also be simply defined as “yielding to group pressures”

Group pressure may take different forms, for example bullying, persuasion, teasing, criticism etc. Conformity is also known as majority influence (or group pressure).
 

The term conformity is often used to indicate an agreement to the majority position, brought about either by a desire to ‘fit in’ or be liked (normative) or because of a desire to be correct (informational), or simply to conform to a social role (identification).

 

This is the very reason I find it hard to stay in most groups for extended periods of time.  As soon as they learn who you are and that you think different, the group usually tries to force you into conformity, often times labeling you with stupid nicknames, treating you like crap, pressuring you to act a certain way, cracking jokes about you, and externally lashing out at you just cause you won't conform to the ways of the crowd.

For one second just look at all the great entrepreneurs and leaders throughout history (Steve Jobs, Ghandi, Dr. King) they all share something unique. They stayed true to them-self throughout the whole process, refusing to conform to anything outside of their heart, their vision, and often times what was right for the greater good of society. That's why in 2014 we still bring them up long after they've departed the earth.

Isn't it funny how usually we name the same people over and over who have made a significant impact on the world? That in itself will show you how popular it is to conform. 

One of my favorite quotes is about our deepest fear as humans.  In that quote it says.. "Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so other people won't feel insecure around you." This quote I believe speaks volumes.  How often do we yield to pressure just to be accepted?

In conformity, people lose track of the most important thing and that is their-self. All of their individual creativity, their thoughts get thrown out the window.  They become just like the group in order to feel comfortable, to fit in, which in response your telling your own heart no.  

What I find funny is the conformist spends so much time on external conditions, everything outside of them-self... world affairs, what he said, she said, the economy.. etc. because I believe it's an amazing escape and avoidant behavior to discovering your true identity.

Just too darn afraid of their own their own self, to learn their own value.  We all know it's easier to fit in every single time. To walk in the room and talk about someone else, then it is to believe in yourself. To dress, look and act the part and your good to go. Maybe on the outside, but I can assure you, not on the inside.

Why would you ever have an amazing idea and say no to your own heart? One word- Conformity. 

It just may be the greatest individual action that truly shows everything you need to know about a person's character. An individual that conforms will abandon anything they start from the heart, to take on an identity to please the crowd every single time.

I challenge you to look in the mirror, listen to only your voice, stand alone in a time of adversity and see what you'll learn. The answer to many of life's issues all start with you, internally, not externally.

Don't ignore your heart, it always tells the truth.

A True Gift

Lately as I watch some things unfold in life,  all I can think about is, go to work on the man in the mirror. Shut off the noise and stay true to your heart...

It's what I've learned from one of the most important people to ever step foot in my life, and honestly it was because I chose to listen, it has made all the difference.

For about a year I was one on one mentoring with former NFL player and my good friend Caleb Campbell weekly.  We frequented Starbucks and Spot Coffee sometimes two to three times a week.  I couldn't understand for the life of me what he was doing with his life, and quite honestly I had no clue what I was doing with mine.  I knew I wanted more, but I didn't know how to start.  I couldn't figure out how a Texas boy went from the NFL to Buffalo, NY.

He had the makings of everything on the outside. I'm like dude you're verified on twitter. You are like texting someone on the Detroit Lions right now.  You have your own Wikipedia.  ESPN did this crazy special on you.  You have dressed and were drafted in the NFL.  You have this amazing ring from West Point.  Your story is unbelievable.  What are you doing in Buffalo? You came here for a church? Can I check your pulse?

It was crazy because when we both met I had returned to church to "get good again."  After all, that's why I thought you went to church.  There just so happened to be a guest pastor that week and he said something that day that has resignated with me ever since.

He said, "How many times is God going to put somebody in your life that is telling you to hit the brakes, like your mother used to stick her arm out at a stop light when she slammed on the brakes, and God is saying Stop! And you will continuously ignore him and wonder why your life is a mess.  Gods telling you to come home.  He has plans for you, to renew you and restore you.  It's time to stop relying on your ways and come home."

I just sat there stunned because I knew at the time he was talking about Caleb, but I began to think of all the other people he placed in my life that I blew off.  Everything in me at the time made me want to run again, but I knew I had to stay.  The opportunities to make different choices in life, the pride that I had listened to and bought into for so long was over.  I decided enough was enough.

I couldn't wait to get coffee with Caleb that week and explain to him the lesson.  He said, it's amazing isn't it.  He said the world is masked by a charade, chasing a rabbit they'll never catch.  I said, Can you explain that?  He said the NFL, West Point, I was driven by fear.  My entire identity was into Caleb succeeding for everyone else, but Caleb.

He said I love the game of football, but without it Who am I?  As he told me about a blown play on his part at Cowboys stadium with his whole family in attendance.  He said, I was suppose to be at the top of my life, I'm in front of 80,000 people, but I didn't know who I was.  I felt so empty.

He was coming from the NFL (Detroit Lions and Kansas City Chiefs) and a West Point graduate to sleeping on the floor of an apartment building in Buffalo, NY. He became a cleaning guy at his church, mopping the floor and shining the doors, taking out the trash.  He was a free agent, but was receiving offers from Canadian football and a few Arena Leagues as well.

Most of his friends told him he was committing career suicide.  He went on to tell me until you are willing to deny yourself, you'll never learn who you are and how he learned more about himself through a mop and a broom then he ever did through NFL cleats.

He taught me to be transformed in the image God created you to be, you have to deny yourself, put down all your stuff and pick up the cross and follow it.  I thought, Wow man, that's a lot to give up.  He said it's not giving it up.  To discover my true self is the greatest victory of all.

We often met during the work days and this made me feel tremendously like I was doing something wrong. After all I had a Masters Degree.  I had the dream career life ahead.  I was working my way up the ladders of life.  I said see Caleb I want to discover me, but if you ask people who all know me, they'd accept me more if I would just work at that bank over there, just to have a job title.

But something just did not feel right when I spent time in any corporate seminars, networking events or interviews... I was feeling empty inside.  I often felt the conversation to be a charade like Caleb explained.  I knew I did not completely know who I was and I was not going to find my true identity there.  I couldn't stand to be in an office environment where it felt like people talked about each other, more then worked on their future.  

As you can imagine when you turn from it all, drop your stuff and go to work on finding yourself by belonging to causes and purposes that have nothing to do with you, you are met with tremendous critics and people barking at you.  Let me explain.

Well let's see here are some big decisions I have made over the past year.  

-I sold my entire apartment and ended the lease.  
-I moved home with my parents.  
-I quit drinking. Almost a year on December 13th 
-I started reading and listening to way more books and personal development audios.  
-I began speaking more and I began writing more.  
-I decided to get more pro active in church. Volunteering.  
-I decided to take more chances, travel more, and be apart of some amazing things that I could never have honestly scripted better.  Times where the budget said no, but God said Yes.
-I released any strains on my budget as to all things that are related to health, church, fitness, service to others, and identifying and finding my true self.

I wanted God to drive the wheel, not Jeff.  For the first time in my life I began to feel a tremendous freedom.

Honestly a few people asked me if I was suicidal.  I would walk into some functions and I would get the looks, the lets just not talk about him thing going on. Exactly what happened to Caleb happened to me and he told me it would.  As soon as I sold my entire apartment and moved home critics were barking and raving "Oh if Jeff's life is so good why's he back at his parents."   

See people look at the outside, God looks at your heart. 

As soon as I quit drinking, half of my friends fell off.  I was disowned by plenty of people that I used to spend quite a bit of time with.  People I thought would forever be a part of my life were now gone.  But what this allowed me to do was greater then chasing that rabbit and charade Caleb taught me about.

I have been able to spend tremendous amounts of time around family.  I felt free from all clutter, all the stuff I pretty much owned that was suppose to make me look good.  I was able to spend my time developing my mind, reading, being around people sober who were praying over me and always sending blessings my way.

My speaking went to a whole different level.  My complexion started to change.  Noticeably people began asking me how I was so happy?  I became quite the guy to figure out.  Often asked, "What's next, What do you do with that, What are you really doing?  I don't understand.  It makes no sense to me."

I was transforming from the inside out.  I was free to take risks and take advantage of opportunities to which in my heart I know God was the provider of, not Jeff.  The decision to put your spiritual life first is a roller coaster.  Often times you are going to endure many tests, and things won't make sense, but in the end you'll figure out Gods intention.  Honestly, often time this is all so hard to explain.  You only learn by doing it.

So why do I tell you this story? It's been on my heart and this just may have been one of the best years of my life when I seemingly to the worlds eyes have nothing, but I feel like I have everything.

Here's my question to you:
What drives you currently and if it was taken from you, would you know who you are?

Life is the journey.  We all have a story that can change the world.  Your heart is capable of being renewed and if you learn to trust in God, all things are possible.  My prayer to you is that you find what it is your heart longs for and you pursue that.  Life's too short. God Bless.

Semper Fi. Stay True.